Thursday, 22 November 2007

I hurt real bad!!

I had to come home from darts and write this post as some way of trying to get my head around what I have found out tonight.

My mum and I were discussing her being late for darts because she had been talking to my sister on the phone and didn't want to hang up because she has been having a lot of stomach problems and won't take her medication even though she had spent a fortune getting four prescriptions today, I said I don't know why she doesn't get a season pass and she would save money, mum said she had suggested that but she just said she doesn't need medication so there is no need.

All of a sudden Gobby Annie as she is known pipes up with well surely if she has MS she should get her prescriptions free, at this point to say I was stunned was an under statement of the highest order. I asked my mum what she meant and she just fobbed me off saying she was talking about someone else, now I have known my mum long enough to know when she is lying so I asked Gobby Annie to repeat what she had said and she duly did, my mum interrupted her and she then realised I didn't know so started trying to cover it up by saying she was talking about someone else.

So I said to mum I was going to ring my sister and ask her and she said go ahead then, I said I would rather hear it from you and also why I hadn't known earlier.

Mum then told me she had known about it ages and she didn't want anyone else to know because it wasn't too bad, apparently she had found out about it when my nephew was 18 months old, he is now 9.

At this point I could feel myself start to cry so ran to the toilets closely followed by Gobby Annie who wanted to explain how she knew about it, I really wasn't interested I just wanted to get my head around it all without speaking to anyone but she persisted and said it was her fault, I said it wasn't her fault and asked her to leave but she wouldn't before she had explained it to me.

She told me when my sister had a really bad accident 7 years ago and smashed both her wrists falling out of the loft they found it then.

I calmed myself down and went back in the pub but I couldn't speak to my mum, I can't believe they have kept it from me for so long.

I don't know the ins and outs of it at all because I really couldn't talk about it tonight but I do feel guilty for leaving mum to go home on her own after she has lived with the burden of me not knowing for 7 years.

I just can't get my head round why they haven't told me, I don't see my sister that often because she lives quite a way from me but we do talk a lot and I believed we were close as we do normally tell each other everything, I just can't understand why I have been kept away from something so critical.

When I think of all the things I have moaned about in the past and she has been going through this, I really wish my dad was here and I could talk to him about it because I don't know who else I can talk to there are so few of us left.


Lady in red said...

Emma my mum was diagnosed with MS 18 years ago. She tires easily and drags one foot a little which you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it. For a few years I was very concerned about my mum. when she moved after my dad died I wanted her to get a bungalow as I didnt want her fallind on the stairs. She bought a house! she has been fine has never had any really bad times other than a problem with her vision after my dad died.
She tells me that she tries to live a normal life as much as possible. She even forgets that she has it for long stretches of time. She didn't want many people to know about her MS as she doesn't want to be treated like an invalid.

I can't say why your family kept this from you but maybe rather than trying to shut you out your sister, like my mum didn't want you to feel pity for her.

My guess is that your mum was just following your sister's wishes. It wasn't about keeping things from you.

I am really sorry you found out this news in this way. MS can have very drastic consequences for some people but it appears that your sister is like my mum, very few problems. I am sure it would have been different if her health had rapidly deteriorated.

chin up Emma you have to be strong now.


EBEZP said...

Families can be so strange Emma, I'm sure no harm was intended by anyone, it's been pretty tough all round I guess.
Although you are hurting now I'm sure you'll find that now there's no secrets between you you'll be able to work together for your sis's benefit.
LIR is right of course you have to be strong and look at the positives of the new situation, right now that's all you can do.

Keep going Em, don't beat yourself up and I'm sure when you do get your head around it all it won't seem quite that bad.

Emma said...

Thanks Lady and Si I have just spoken to mum and Lady is right in everything she says, apparently she has mild visual problems and her limbs go numb from time to time but in all the time she has had she has only been in hospital twice.

I hope above all hope Lady that she has a mild version as your mum has.

Mum just feels bad now because she told someone else and Gobby Annie overheard her.

I have told her not to beat herself up over it as she had to tell someone it wasn't fair to keep it to herself.

I want to talk to her about it but know I can't just yet..xx

Anonymous said...

sorry to read about your sister, you need a big hug (hugggggggg), you are having a tough time, i can't wait for the new year, because i have such a shit year with friends passing away, but even when you think you just found out, at least you have time to go and visit her, and say how you feel, just respect what she asked your mum, poor old mum ah, i understand why you feel how you do, as the same happend with my sister, i got told and also got told not to tell anyone, and then when they bitch about each other, it makes you reliase there is more to life x

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

All good advice there Emma. My niece has similar problems, they haven't quite diagnosed it yet, they think it's chronic fatigue syndrome now, I mentioned this to my mum, who hadn't a clue. My sister or niece hadn't told her. Families work in weird ways.

Emma said...

Wayne and Vi - She didn't want me to treat her as a sympathy case that's why she didn't tell me, she hasn't even told her friends she says how can she tell them now after all this's a tough one but I do respect and understand her decision..xx

Miss Understood said...

Oh Emma, I'm sorry. I can understand your sister not wanting people to know, but it must hurt that she kept it from you all this time. I hope now that it's out in the open, that you can be there for each other. x

Too Fat To Fly... said...

Mmm, a difficult situation for all involved I reckon.

Still, I'm sure that your mum thought that she was doing the right thing by your sister. I'm sure that they didn't mean to exclude you...

As for your sister, at least she'll now have you for extra support....

Hugs to you hun!


cheekyfaces said...

Em, I'm sure they meant no harm keeping it from you..MS is a bitch of a disease for some people but at least it sounds as if your sisters is mild. Just be there for her as I'm sure you are. x

Emma said...

Miss/Lins/Cheeky - yes I am glad it is out in the open and I hope my sister is too, she know I will be there for her no matter what..xx