Peter Pan

I feel like Peter Pan at the moment, I just don't want to grow up, I don't want to deal with all the responsible things I need to, like sorting out the bankruptcy and how to live until next payday, I just want to shut myself out and the world with it.

This isn't a depression post I promise I just feel like running away from it all.

Mr M came home this weekend and I met him after Rugby last night, it was wierd because Tony was in the pub when I got there and Mr M was asking for kisses which for some reason I didn't feel like doing.

We did leave together an hour later but he is getting too clingy already, I don't do clingy and I don't do my life revolving around someone else, I think there must be something wrong with me....lol.....

Why do I always need excitement why can't I just settle for the sedate loving kind? I have no idea but I settled for 2nd best once before and swore I would never do it again.

I kinda would be ok keeping Mr M as a FB because he has already proved himself it that department I just don't want all the complicated b/f-g/f thing that seems to go hand in hand with him.

I am out tonight with the girls for my birthday and he wants to meet later, that's not my idea of a night out with the girls it seems a little unfair to the people I am going out with to do that so I have said no.

When he dropped me off this morning I got the "do you really want to be with me" crap so I said yes just not exclusively, so he has read into that that I am going out shagging tonight now......men......ffs....

But joking apart I do want to be able to do that and not have to answer to anyone, I suppose I am being unreasonable but before all the shit kicked off with Tony I was starting to think the same about him.

I seemed to have missed so much in the last few years now I want to do things before I am old and grey...lol...well while I keep dying it anyway.

Jane Tomlinson and a rugby player who used to play for Hull kind of brought it home to me, why do we have to become ill to appreciate what is around us, why don't we just do these things while we are able.

I am going on a walk for the rugby player in October from one ground to another because I am fit and well and can do it I don't want to wait until I maybe can't do these things and then wish I had.

On a lighter note I had a lovely relaxing facial this morning an early birthday present, my skin now feels lovely but the advice for 24 hours was to avoid toxins and make up, oh well no alcohol for me tonight and a face like a belicia beacon....no I really won't go out without make up I promise....

Really not sure what is going to happen on the man front though but I am certain Mr M is going to get hurt all over again and he really doesn't deserve it.....