Monday, 16 April 2007

Depression Day

I heard on the radio that today is Depression Day, what's all that about then? Apparently by the year 2010 almost everyone will have suffered from depression at some time or other.

But what is Depression Day? Is it like No Smoking Day where you don't have a cigarette, if so then I obviously should not be feeling depressed today.

Having been to the therapist's today I have realised that a lot of the problem is my job, I still have an absolute fear of returning to work and now I think this is because I settled for the job I am currently doing because I was about to be made redundant.

Going through this point in my life I am starting to realise that I now want different things, I maybe have done all along but not had the courage to change the happy medium I thought I had achieved.

I currently work in a highly targeted management position and I don't want to anymore, I want something where my people skills can be utilised to their full potential and not just used to continually motivate demotivated staff and fight fires when targets aren't met.

All that said I really have no idea where to utilise my skills but I feel I need to take a totally different direction, maybe some form of counselling might be an idea but in what mode I don't know.

I have always empathised with people who are disadvantaged for some reason, not what I would call the dole walers, the genuine people like abused women and children and even to a small degree drug addiction.

I hate and depise anything to do with drugs and the dealers of them, but I do also appreciate that the users often come from the wrong end of society, a society that has had no protection, support or education from their peers of what is right and wrong.

I don't want to appear judgemental it is just my opinion and I don't always think the drug users are given enough support prior to them becoming addicted, when I was young the in thing was smoking which unfortunately I still do, drugs where around but only the odd bit of blow which I did try at the time but it made me go to sleep so I didn't see the point in it.

As far as anything stronger was concerned the thought terrified me and more so the effect it would have had on my parents, I respected them too much and I feel that that is what is missing nowadays respect.

Anyway, I also need to look at other aspects of my life which I thought I was OK with and obviously I am not.

Do I want to go through the rest of my life with just the furry alarm clock for company? No I don't think I do anymore, I have spent too much time working in the past to worry about these things but now I have had some time out and had chance to look inside myself I would like some company.

So all in all I need to keep looking inside myself and in the mean time try to see the real me and not the big, fat ugly person that stares back from the mirror at me when I chance to look in.

Very deep day today, lots of thinking to do for me...

2 comments:

ROGUE GUNNER said...

Your inner beauty shines through with your thoughts and feelings you write on your Blog.

funny sparky said...

We are ALL beautiful and we All have something to give, but I can undertsnad where you're coming from. I've been in similar roles to yourself anbd reached stage where it was the job or me, I chose me, jacked it all in to go and live with a man in Spain! That was four years ago, and while there's been some dire times, I don't regret it at all!