I still haven't found what I am looking for!!

Oh well ended up going out Saturday very late on as got a phone call at 11pm asking me where I was, I was going to pick up portly chap and come home but ended up staying out until 3am.

They are a good crowd and they do look after you I just felt so guilty going out and not having any money.

Well portly chap stayed the night and to say the earth didn't move is an underestimation, this guy is so not for me I can't get over his size and he doesn't turn me on at all, I feel so shallow saying it but I like my men lean and keen and this one just doesn't fit the bill.

So it's back to the grindstone for me, not sure if maybe my last manic episode is coming to an end too because I feel a bit down today.

I have got so used to male attention and now suddenly I have no one left to turn to other than Mr Married but not heard from him for a few weeks and feel a bit shitty just ringing him for the other because it is more than obvious that I have been getting it while I haven't been in touch.

I feel a little like I have burnt bridges with the rugby lads too and I never wanted to do that, we walked in pub on Saturday and it's the first time I have been in since Mr M and I split up and Tony was the first person I saw and he just looked away and moved in the opposite direction as soon as he saw me, I know that's his loss but I do feel like a right bitch, not sure how men can carry on like that without any conscience....lol....because this one feels a bit crap about it.

I also saw Mr T yesterday and he bought me a drink while we went for lunch but he was quite subdued too but he was the one who didn't want to split with his FB so there is no going back there even though it's tempting for the sex.

If portly chap found out though he would be devastated even though I have warned him I Will hurt him if he gets too close he is besotted and says I am the best thing that's ever happened to him.

Oh I am so shit at this, think I am going back to being a nun for a while it seems a little too complicated otherwise at the moment.

Work is not real good either, I have a lot of inherent staffing issues and the main one is with the clinical leads daughter and even though she shouldn't she always has to stick her nose in and back her up.

She is useless and always has been, she has had loads of warnings but nothing ever comes of it so it looks like I am going to be the bad bastard who finally puts the nail in her coffin once and for all, but it can't go on I have targets to meet which are not being met because of all her mistakes.

We have a new GM he has been in position for a few weeks now and he is starting to wield his axe so I know that I am not indispensable and he will soon find a way to move me on if things don't start happening soon.

Ok update Mr T has just texted saying he was going to text me yesterday but he daren't, I said that's a shame I missed out on a good rogering then.....more to come no doubt....lol