Sunday, 1 July 2007

Wake up Call!!

Oooo it was bloody scary too, went out last night on kind of my leaving do from old job along with another 5 that have left since, mass exodus or what??

Well we started in my Fav pub in town, which ironically is usually my finishing pub where I usually get into to trouble by abusing the ex or something in a drunken stupor, so to see it sober was a bonus to start with.

It was fairly quiet in there and we stayed and had a couple, we then moved on to another pub which is very dark inside and has three floors, we started off on the first floor and it was ok, I was a bit nervy at the darkness of the place but it was ok, we had been in there about 20 mins and one of the girls said she wanted to go upstairs to the loo, so off we all trundled, it took us a few mins to get through the very tight doorway as everyone else appeared to have had the same idea, it was very dark, very loud and very crowded. I had only just got through the doorway and my head started spinning, my breathing became very eractic and I had to get out, breathing exercises weren't working either I was in full panic attack mode and I couldn't get out.

I lit a cig to try and calm me down and that didn't work, so in the end like a bull in a china shop I charged for the doorway and ended up on the landing just about hyperventilating.

I managed to calm myself down but how vunerable did I feel, I was shaking from head to foot and really scared.

I realised that this is obviously something I have protected myself from over the last few months and that I am maybe still not right and possibly never will be.

It was also a bit embarrasing being surrounded by my ex staff who all thought of me as this loud, brash and nothing fazes me kind of person, I was suddenly human in their eyes and they where brilliant, one woman in particular that I didn't really get on with was great and kept an eye on me all night after that.

Thankfully I did have the sense not to have a lot to drink so that didn't add to it, but I am painfully aware that I do still have a problem with crowded places and I will have to keep trying to avoid them in the future.

Call it a bit of a wake up call.....

8 comments:

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

I sometimes feel like that in places you just described, and I don't have a phobia or anything like that, just don't really like clubs like that.

Yeah, best to stick to the locals you feel comfortable in!

Girl*Next*Door said...

I've only been like that once in a club & managed to get outside just in time, everything was spinning. I find I get like if I get overheated so don't tend to wear coats etc because I just get so hot. Know exactly the feeling you mean & it's evil xx

TooFatToFly said...

Ooo, I really do sympathise with you, Emma.

At least you were surrounded by people that you knew. One or two that then decided to look out for you :-)

xx

Emma said...

Vi - I know its wierd really though because prior to the depression it never bothered me...xx

GND - It was hot but very dark also..xx

Lins - Yes they are a great crew I used to work with I miss each and everyone of them and it was great to see them all again last night..xx

EBEZP said...

Hope the rest of the night went ok.
Maybe though it was just as well that you know you may still have a problem and that you found out while there were people around that care!

Emma said...

Yes Wilko that is so true..xx

Miss Understood said...

You know what triggers it, so at least you know what to avoid in the future. Crowded and stuffy places are hard for most people to feel comfortable in, so I'm not surprised you reacted that way.
Keep working on it though...you've done so well these past few months. x

Emma said...

Aw thanks Miss I think it's because I haven't done it for a while I thought I was cured maybe that is just something which is going to be long lasting....xx