The Start of It all

This is probably one of the hardest things I have written in my life, but I feel if I write it down it might start to lift the gloom.

About 3 weeks ago I suffered from that horrible flu bug that got a lot of people down at the time.On recovering from the flu I found myself falling into the deepest darkest depression, I started to have horrible thoughts of what would happen in the future, I couldn't face friends, family or work, after a visit to the GP to be told I am suffering from depression I was very shocked to say the least.

Me the control freak, me, the always in charge of the situation, me, life and soul of the party, me, miss independant, me, how can I be depressed, what have I got to be depressed about?So I decided to take myself off to see a therapist, didn't fancy the pills which where on offer, if I am depressed then I am not masking it I am going to face it head on.

I am now on my 5th appointment and it seems a long road may be ahead but I can now admit and accept that yes, I am depressed and yes it is an illness and not just some kind of skive, which in all honesty is probably what I would have thought if someone else had told me they where depressed.

As part of my recovery I have to look to things in my life which I maybe haven't put to bed or got closure on for want of a better word, I am beginning to find these things slowly but it's wierd having to drag things from your past into your present mind and try and deal with them.

I am also suffering from a kind of social phobia as part of the depression which means things, people and places I used to find enjoyable I can't be bothered with anymore. I can't imagine when my next night out will be and I am getting very nervous about the weekends away I have also got booked.

I suppose this is where I say it can happen to anyone ar anytime and I am proof of that. Accepting it is the first part then as my therapist says it took 40 years to get in there it isn't going to disappear over night.