Restless

Had a very restless day today, no sooner had I gone out then I wanted to come home again to the safe place.

I did manage to be out for most of the afternoon but it was very uncomfortable and I was so much more aware of the people around me, everyone's eyes seemed to be on me again and it is so nerve wracking.

I finally made the call to the docs the other day that I have put off since one of the receptionists was shitty with me the other week, this is not me, I have never been afraid of confrontation but somehow that receptionist had put me off ever ringing again, I got quite upset on the phone and I was only requesting an appointment. Thankfully the receptionist I dealt with then was lovely and seemed to have all the patience in the world.

I have had to agree for work to request my medical records today after their official visit earlier in the week, my obvious reaction to that is I didn't look convincing enough for them but it is probably just a company policy thing that I wasn't aware of, every little thing appears so massive at the moment and I seem to always think the worst. I probably was ok when they came to see me because I am in my safe place, if I had had to go into work instead I would have been very different.

It is getting closer and closer to my weekend away and after today's escapades I am still not convinced I can do this, we are going to far to come back home again the same day so I will not make my mind up on that one until nearer the time.

Oh well another social event tomorrow so we will see how that goes.....